Tracking Down the Super Villain

It was publicaly released yesterday before the Pittsburgh/Washington game that a death threat was issued on Alexander Ovechkin. It became so serious of an incident that the local authorities are tracking down the "hit man" and have discovered the initial threat to be posted on an Internet Site Message Board. That's right, the evil mastermind "hit man" is likely sitting at home, in his basement, playing "Hit Man".

Oh, the humanity. When people like to think about these huge conspiracies and plans, we like to imagine something along the lines of Ovechkin being part of the Russian Mob before he came to North America, in which he fled from his home country after an unfortunate circumstance in which he saved a woman and her child from execution against the wishes of the Don.

But that's not real life. No, we have likely a 14 year old who just got his ass handed to him in a game of online Halo or Gears of War, decided to play some NHL09 online, realized he sucked at too, noticed Ovechkin scored the winning goal against him so he posted a message that only about 3 other people in the world would have read because they had way too much time on their hands, and noticed that he "wunted 2 killz Ovechkin if h3 scorez a haXor goal like dat again11!!111!!"

Yeah, let's bring out the special ops for this one. I wouldn't be surprised if they did further investigation and it was tracked down to Sidney Crosby's computer.

But let's take a step back from this for a moment. There's a so-called "death threat" against Ovechkin. The Caps lose in overtime. If the Penguins happen to come back in this series, and maybe even win, I will not be surprised to see the headlines read "Ovechkin Falls After Death Threat". Now that he has leverage, even if the Caps lose the series he has something to fall back on.

Next thing you know, Ovechkin is going to kill "hockeyfan4972 if he scored like that on my goalie again with that stupid Crosby", and people will demand that NHL09 not be allowed to be played by kids online.

Maybe if your kids got out more and weren't constantly posting their little comments on a message board intended for 4 other 11 year olds there would not be so much rage in the youngsters. Or maybe someone should finally give that kid a hug.

Micheal A. Aldred
michealaldred@hotmail.com